My Extremely Modified Ketone "Diet" (hint: it involves cheese)

First things first: I am not a medical doctor. Ok, now that we've got that out of the way, I want to talk about my new life decision to eat mass quantities of cheese. Why? you ask. Well, besides the fact that it is delicious and pairs well with wine, cheese includes properties that could help control seizures. That property is fat.

Some of you may have heard of the Ketone diet and its relationship to epilepsy. In short, it is a high-fat (specifically cheese/cream/oil), low-carb diet that contributes to higher levels of ketones in the body. Higher ketone levels have been associated with reduced frequency of seizures, especially in children. From attending epilepsy conferences, I found the process is actually quite complicated and involves an initial hospital stay to monitor levels. Nonetheless, it seems to work for a lot of people. I am super happy this works for people, especially children. But...I'm lazy.

So, I've taken a page from many a diet enthusiast and decided to take one tiny part of the diet and run with it. I will just eat large amounts of dairy products including, but not limited to, cheese, cream cheese, and ice cream. Also, I can't stop eating carbs (because bagels).

To take it a step further, I've decided that since I altered the diet, I can rename it. I haven't decided on a name but I know this: I will loudly and relentlessly propagate the molecule of scientific truth behind my diet (the fatty part) and completely ignore the possibly harmful components (eating copious amounts of bagels).

I'm thinking I should also go back to school for my PhD in technical writing so I can label myself as a Dr. Also, I think I'll throw in something about it being based on some ancient diet that worked pretty well for people who lived in an environment completely different than ours. That portion can, of course, be completely falsified (*cough* Paleo Diet). Before you know it, nutritionists will publish papers arguing about my brilliant insight or inaccuracies and I will be swimming in a pool of money, eating cheese. I will sell cookbooks, have a magazine, recruit celebrity followers. Hell, I might not even need a PhD, I'll probably get an honorary one from somewhere. Then I'll dabble in Scientology, try to quit and be stalked the rest of life, get some type of disease from eating too much cheese, Jenny McCarthy will say it causes autism....OK, on second thought maybe this isn't such a good idea.

I should just eat my cheese in peace. With wine.