The EEG, also known as a horrible hair generator

Today I had the pleasure of having a EEG. For anyone who has had an EEG, I am fully convinced that we all deserve a free hair wash, cut, and style afterwards. Maybe a eyebrow wax or something just for good measure. For people who have not had an EEG, which stands for electroencephalograph (yes, I had to look it up), it is a very interesting experience. First, a nurse places heart monitor thingys on your boobs. Most of the time the nurse is not a George Clooney look-alike. And even if he is, this is hardly the situation you would want him to see you in. Anyway, next, the nurse takes a "pen" (read: sandpaper-tipped stick of death) and scrubs about 50 spot on your scalp. That's just the beginning. These prepared, now bald, spots are platforms for a sticky gel that does not come out with "a simple shampoo and condition". Did I mention the sandpaper stick of death make red marks on your scalp! After the gel is applied, the billions of electrodes are stuck to your head. I seriously could not picture myself looking any different than Hellraiser. Is this where Clive Barker got his ideas?....

Ok, now comes the fun part. The nurse lowers the lights and tells you to close your eyes (again, he does not look like George Clooney). You do, feeling a little more relaxed now that the scalping is through and your head is more or less numb. Then come the lights. A little light above your head flashes different colored lights at various flicker rates to make your brain explode. The nurse was not amused when I asked for club music. Luckily for me, the readings did not show the 3-hertz spike that is common for people with generalized seizure disorder. This is good, but also not surprising given my medication level. The nurse then removed my electrodes (so I technically did get a little bit of a wax) and lets me go into public with my hair thoroughly traumatized. When I was in high school and had to go through this, I was completely mortified that I had to be seen in public even for a moment with this hair. Sadly, this is still the case. The only difference is now I can legally go get a glass of wine after.